Learning to Trust

By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

be open to them.  There may be jealousy that
needs to be addressed or perhaps there have
been infidelity issues in the relationship. Maybe
your relationship has come close to separation
or divorce.

The best dating advice or marriage advice that
we can give is to begin looking at your relationships
from new eyes and consider how you are trusting
or not trusting in them. Then decide to do something
about enhancing trust between the two of you.

We'll give you an example of this dynamic in action--
 

In the beginning of our relationship, Otto started writing

about marketing ideas.  Because Susie is a much better

editor than he is, he would ask for her help.  He always

became very defensive when Susie edited what he

wrote and it would take some time to get past the

"trust" issue of feeling criticized unfairly.  He would

take the criticism of the work personally instead of

understanding that she was just trying to make the

project better.

Even though we have felt like we were soul mates from

the beginning of our relationship, there are issues from

past relationships that creep in from time to time--

and this was one of them. 

Some people believe that when you enter into new
relationships, you are starting fresh and you leave all
of that baggage from previous relationships behind you. 
You always hope that's the case, but the truth is, you
don't always heal everything from past relationships
when you move on.

A couple of years after writing his first marketing
book, Otto wrote another one and guess what?
Susie edited that book also. But this time, we
noticed a difference in Otto's reaction to Susie's
suggestions for how to make the book better.

When she made her suggestions, he still had an initial

reaction but this time didn't take the criticism personally. 

He trusted and felt that Susie just wanted to help
him to make the book better.  When he felt that
familiar feeling of not trusting, he reminded himself
that she was offering suggestions to help and not
hurt him.

When he listened to these new thoughts, he could
change the way he felt about the situation and stop
his initial negative reactions.

This is a beautiful example of healing the past and the

deepening of trust in our relationship.  We believe that

the foundation of any relationship is emotional safety

and trust.  This means that physical safety is a given

and you feel emotionally safe enough to be who you

really are and be able to express yourself freely.

Most people want to place the responsibility for trust

in a relationship on someone else.  They base their

trust on how someone acts towards them. 

Whether you are healing a broken heart or just need
some relationship tips, it's important to remember that
safety and trust in a relationship doesn't start with

someone else--It starts with you and how willing

you are to open up and allow the other in.

If you're having trust issues in a relationship, we

suggest examining your own thoughts, feelings and

issues from the past that have yet to be healed first

before looking outward to someone else.